Emotions as a Second Language

I've become more and more aware recently that I seem to missing a gene. It's the thinking-like-a-normal-human gene.

When I think things through and make decisions, I'm emotionally detached. I see tables of options and pros and cons and the alternatives all get a a score for the expected outcome and I decide based on that. There are frequently graphs and pie charts, and last night there was even a Venn Diagram. Really there was, ask The Superhero.

Sometimes, this is great. There are lots of situations where emotions do not help you make the right decision. And lots of situations where math-type thinking will solve your problems. However, consider the following conversion:

The Superhero: "The scale was mean to me this morning; I gained 4 pounds."
Mr. Superhero: "Oh no."
The Superhero: "I think it may be hormones though," (The Superhero just came of a medley of drugs in connection with her recent egg donation) "I don't know if I should try to lose the weight or just wait until my hormones even out."
Mr. Superhero: "Oh, you don't need to lose weight, you're beautiful!"
Mr. Superhero: "Don't be silly, you look great!"

No, no, no... hold on a second, that would have been sensitive; here's how it really went...

Mr. Superhero: "Well, maybe you should have a losing phase; set a 5-pound target range and stay within it."
The Superhero: "But I think it's just hormones, I don't want to put in a lot of work if it's just a temporary problem."
Mr. Superhero: "Oh, then you could raise your 5-pound range for a scheduled period; stay within x+5 and x+10 for 4 weeks and then go down to x to x+5."
The Superhero: "But you don't know what it's like as a woman to wait that long."
Mr. Superhero: "Oh, then go to x to x+5 right away, or make the delay whatever you --"
The Superhero: "Stop! Just stop! The right thing to say is "No dear, you look great"."

Not only did I totally miss the point, but all the while I'm visualizing the potential graph or weeks vs. weight and the light gray band of acceptable weight ranges.

The Superhero talks about how she varies how she argues based on who she's talking to. With me it's always logic since "That's all I'll listen to", but with a girlfriend she might appeal to sympathy, or frame a request as an opportunity to help out and be important.

I'm missing this dial to be able to shift back and forth. I can kind of understand the other kinds of thinking. But only with some effort, and it's always kind of like a second language to me.